"You're So Vain"
Blue Origin Crew Finds Solution to Losing weight.
Blue Origin’s astronaut Katy Perry
Chapter 30
“You’re So Vain”
April 18, 2025
“I can’t believe Wingate assigned us this story,” said Ericka to Leyla as they drove through the sere landscape of the West Texas desert to interview the all-female crew of Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origins New Shepard space craft.
“Why should I compost my garbage, lower my heat and curb my flying addiction, when this all-female crew of space bimbos use up more carbon emissions on an eleven-minute space flight than I will use in my whole lifetime?”
“Sounds like you might also be a little jealous.”
“Not for a minute. The song that keeps going through my head is ‘You’re so Vain’.”
“How so?”
“You know,
‘Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga,
And your horse naturally, won;
Then you flew your Learjet up to Nova Scotia,
To see the total eclipse of the sun.’”
“Here we are.”
“Their space ship looks like something out of Jules Verne.”
“It does.”
They watched the unpiloted space vehicle blast off from the desert, at three times the speed of sound, reach its apogee 62 miles above the earth, then kick up clouds of dust as it returned to earth under three parachutes at 25 miles per hour.
From a microphone aboard the vehicle, they could hear screams of awe, that dissolved into giggles of laughter as the crew members unbuckled their seat belts and held up flowers, Teddy Bears and sang ‘What a Wonderful World’ as their well-coiffed hair floating freely in space. Five minutes later they were back on earth.
“I guess they finally found a way to lose weight,” said Ericka.
“You are so snarky!”
“Just doing my job.”