Notes from an Environmentalist. Tourism Demands New Breed of Greenheads.

              Runaway Tourism Creates Demand

             For Hardier New Breed of Greenhead.

In Barcelona townies spray visitors with squirt guns to discourage tourism.

We are far more Hi-Tech in New England. The Trustees of Reservations and New England Biolabs have joined forces on a high stakes venture to use AI and advanced gene-splicing techniques to create a new strain of greenheads; impervious to slaps, being buried in the sand, drowned in the sea, or drenched in Skin so Soft.

The hardy new larvae are then reared in the special nursery boxes you see far out in the marshes before the vicious Tabanids are Fed-Exed to beaches up and down the North Shore.

Their counterparts at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution pronounced “Hooey” are using gene splicing to create miniature sharks and dolphins.

Tourists can then raise these new chimeric species in their home aquariums so they can get an authentic shark experience without having to set foot in the ocean, or even on Cape Cod.